10 Cops Funny Police Quotes — Niche Quotes 💬 (2024)

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The girl says "Oh uh-uh, wait a minute! Wait a minute! Just because I'm dressed this way does not make me a whor*!" Which is true, Gentlemen, that is true. Just because they dress a certain way doesn't mean they are a certain way. Don't even forget it. But ladies, you must understand that is f*cking confusing. It just is. Now that would be like me, Dave Chappelle, the comedian, walking down the street in a cop uniform. Somebody might run up on me saying, "Oh, thank God. Officer, help us! Come on. They're over here. Help us!" "Oh-hoh! Just because I'm dressed this way does not make me a police officer!" See what I mean? All right, ladies, fine. You are not a whor*. But you are wearing a whor*'s uniform.

Dave Chappelle

What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany's at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It's priceless. As I'm taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It's her father's business. She's Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning, the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don't trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he's the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Tiffany to meet me by the Trocadero in Paris. She's been waiting for me all these years. She's never taken another lover. I don't care. I don't show up. I go to Berlin. That's where I stashed the chandelier.

Dwight Schrute

I always thought 'love at first sight' was silly and incredibly irresponsible. Then, you came along and you flipped it on me. I understand it now. I do! ~Sheriff Derrick Decker

Laney Smith (Lock Creek: In Their Own Time (Time Capsule Series))

Bennie's corner of Brooklyn looked different every time Sierra passed through it. She stopped at the corner of Washington Avenue and St. John's Place to take in the changing scenery. A half block from where she stood, she'd skinned her knee playing hopscotch while juiced up on iceys and sugar drinks. Bennie's brother, Vincent, had been killed by the cops on the adjacent corner, just a few steps from his own front door. Now her best friend's neighborhood felt like another planet. The place Sierra and Bennie used to get their hair done had turned into a fancy bakery of some kind, and yes, the coffee was good, but you couldn't get a cup for less than three dollars. Plus, every time Sierra went in, the hip, young white kid behind the counter gave her either the don't-cause-no-trouble look or the I-want-to-adopt-you look. The Takeover (as Bennie had dubbed it once) had been going on for a few years now, but tonight its pace seemed to have accelerated tenfold. Sierra couldn't find a single brown face on the block. It looked like a late-night frat party had just let out; she was getting funny stares from all sides--as if she was the out-of-place one, she thought. And then, sadly, she realized she was the out-of-place one.

Daniel José Older (Shadowshaper (Shadowshaper Cypher, #1))

You are hereby warned that any movement on your part not explicitly endorsed by verbal authorization on my part may pose a direct physical risk to you, as well as consequential psychological and possibly, depending on your personal belief system, spiritual risks ensuing from your personal reaction to said physical risk. Any movement on your part constitutes an implicit and irrevocable acceptance of such risk," the first MetaCop says. There is a little speaker on his belt, simultaneously translating all of this into Spanish and Japanese."Or as we used to say," the other MetaCop says, "freeze, sucker!""Under provisions of The Mews at Windsor Heights Code, we are authorized to enforce law, national security concerns, and societal harmony on said territory also. A treaty between The Mews at Windsor Heights and White Columns authorizes us to place you in temporary custody until your status as an Investigatory Focus has been resolved.""Your ass is busted," the second MetaCop says."As your demeanor has been nonaggressive and you carry no visible weapons, we are not authorized to employ heroic measures to ensure your cooperation," the first MetaCop says."You stay cool and we'll stay cool," the second MetaCop says."However, we are equipped with devices, including but not limited to projectile weapons, which, if used, may pose an extreme and immediate threat to your health and well-being.""Make one funny move and we'll blow your head off," the second MetaCop says.

Neal Stephenson (Snow Crash)

She knew all about the cops and their trigger fingers and their predilection for dealing with those who would attack their brethren. Her father had drummed such stories into her from a young age; more so into Whiz, who bore the burden of being a black boy about to grow into a black teen. "If the police even look at you funny," Dad had said, "you hit the ground and put your hands over your head. Don't talk back. Don't try to run. Don't try to explain. They're just looking for an excuse to shoot you. Don't give it to them.

Barry Lyga (Blood of My Blood (I Hunt Killers, #3))

A half-hour later, Zack, Micah and Matt Jordan, Micah’s crime scene specialist, were standing in the lobby of Manistee police headquarters, waiting for Alexander.“What’s he like?” Micah asked.“A little to the right of Buford T. Justice,” replied Zack, referencing Jackie Gleason’s classic portrayal of a country cop in Smokey and the Bandit.“I love Buford T. Justice. If I were an actor and I could choose to play only one part, it would be Buford T. Justice.”“Great role, Micah, but Buford is not the type of cop you want if you are trying to prove your client’s innocence.”“Suppose not.”A door opened, and Alexander walked out into the lobby. Micah started chuckling.Buford T. Justice!“What’s so funny?” Chief Alexander asked.

Mark M. Bello (Betrayal In Blue (Zachary Blake Legal Thriller, #3))

You can always tell an old cop car because however hard you scrub, it always smells of old cop.

Ben Aaronovitch (Rivers of London (Rivers of London, #1))

I was standing by the car when two police officers showed up in the alley, very interested in me and the BMW in an alley where car traffic was not allowed at all, sitting there with a Belgian plate tag in the middle of the coffeeshop district, with me, the Hungarian guy, leaning to it smoking a cigarette, obviously waiting for something to happen. They began to examine my IDs and started searching the car. They were looking for drugs, apparently. I had been dealing with them for a few minutes when Adam showed up at the end of the alley. I was the only one looking that way, seeing Adam walking to turn into the alley; the two officers were too busy to notice what I had witnessed. The moment Adam looked up and noticed the officers around me, the moment he was about to turn right towards us into the alley, he made a 180-degree turn, the way a bad kid would do when playing hide and seek. Catching his steps the way Mr. Bean or Benny Hill would do—I could almost hear the music too—was both very funny and very concerning. He was too stupid to be a criminal; he was such a lame criminal that he didn't even think of walking past the alley's entrance like nothing happened instead of turning around and acting so suspiciously and obviously being in the wrong. I began to wonder how the coffeeshop business would work out with this guy if he was suddenly on cocaine all the time before we even opened the club? How would not he get me in trouble when there would be kilograms of marijuana and tons of cash flying around? How could I ever quit this job even if we could manage to run the place and get rich over the next 2-3 years? How would I ever get rid of this embarrassing, childish, dangerously silly criminal guy? By some miracle, in the car—which was used by these junkies and was usually full of smoking accessories—the cops didn't find a cigarette paper either, although they were very, very thorough. Belgian BMW wagon with a Hungarian guy, in an alley in the area full of marijuana clubs. They were sure they had me now, that they would be rewarded for such a catch. But there was nothing in the car. I was able to show them Rachel's Belgian registration and everything, explaining that she was my girlfriend who was in Belgium at that time and we were both working for a company selling smoking accessories; I gave them my business card. I apologized for parking there and even driving into that alley with the car. They fined me regardless. Before we started dealing with the marijuana behalf my name, we were collecting fines attributed to Adam on my name. Talk about being cheap. Apparently, he had started growing a lot of marijuana without my knowledge in a place he did not want me to find out about.As I was driving back to Urgell, we were both very silent. I was calm but he was anxious and I could almost hear the gears spinning in his mind. Perhaps at the same moment, we both realized that if I got arrested for any reason and ended up in jail, Adam could keep the 33% profit of the coffeeshop which I had signed up for and which belonged to me. ‘Thinking quickly. Acting quicker.’ Never quick enough. The sneaker.Adam was usually very slow, whether he was high or low.


The crowd was getting hysterical, so I reached into my back pocket and flippe open my wallet to reveal my badge. "Official business," I announced. "Please leave the area." This had the desired effect; it deescalated the mood and prompted most of the crowd to disperse. It's funny what a plastic badge and a meaningless phrase can do. The authority of the police is anothe mass delusion that can be useful at times. I hadn't even needed to claim I was a cop; all it took was a couple of simple cues to invoke the delusion.

Robert Kroese (The Big Sheep (The Big Sheep, #1))

10 Cops Funny Police Quotes — Niche Quotes 💬 (2024)


What are some police sayings? ›

"Back in the bag" means a cop is back in her uniform after working clandestinely in street clothes.
  • "Light up" Cops "light up" when they turn on their emergency lights in order to stop somebody. ...
  • "Street Justice" ...
  • "On the box" ...
  • "Cherry patch," "Duck pond," or "Cash register" ...
  • "Skated" ...
  • "Terry Stop" ...
  • "Good for" ...
  • "Deuce"
Jan 9, 2014

What is a good quote about the police? ›

The police are not here to create disorder, they're here to preserve disorder. Understand, our police officers put their lives on the line for us every single day. They've got a tough job to do to maintain public safety and hold accountable those who break the law.

What is a famous quote about law enforcement? ›

It's about time law enforcement got as organized as organized crime.” “Poverty is the mother of crime.” “Every society gets the kind of criminal it deserves. What is equally true is that every community gets the kind of law enforcement it insists on.”

How to say you're a police officer without saying you're a police officer? ›

Related Words
  1. deputy.
  2. flatfoot.
  3. fuzz.
  4. lawman.
  5. officer of the law.
  6. patrolman.
  7. patrolwoman.
  8. peace officer.

What is a funny word for police? ›

In the US it's not uncommon to hear police called “the fuzz,” “5-0,” “the heat,” or “boys in blue,” among many other names.

What is the 12 police term? ›

One common explanation for why cops are called 12 is that it comes from police radio codes. In some jurisdictions, police officers use radio codes to communicate. The code "10-12" is often used to signify that a law enforcement officer is present and in need of assistance.

What is a good police motto? ›

Duty, Honor, Sacrifice”: This slogan reflects the selflessness and sacrifice inherent in law enforcement work. It emphasizes the duty of officers to serve and protect, the honor associated with their role, and the sacrifices they make for the greater good of society.

What is a famous quote on crime? ›

All men make mistakes, but a good man yields when he knows his course is wrong, and repairs the evil. The only crime is pride. There is not a crime, there is not a dodge, there is not a trick, there is not a swindle, there is not a vice which does not live by secrecy. Poverty is the parent of revolution and crime.

What is the greatest crime quote? ›

The greatest crimes are not those committed for the sake of necessity but those committed for the sake of superfluity. One does not become a tyrant to avoid exposure to the cold.

What is the motto of USA police? ›

To protect and to serve may refer to: "To Protect and to Serve", the motto of the Los Angeles Police Department since 1963, subsequently adopted by many other police forces in North America. A.D. Police: To Protect and Serve, a Japanese animated television series.

What is the police ethics quote? ›

I will maintain courageous calm in the face of danger, scorn or ridicule; develop self-restraint; and be constantly mindful of the welfare of others. Honest in thought and deed both in my personal and official life, I will be exemplary in obeying the law and the regulations of my department.

What is a fancy word for cop? ›

constable detective man officer patrolman patrolwoman police policewoman.

Is it illegal to say bad words to a cop? ›

Freedom of speech is protected under the First Amendment to the United States Constitution, so non-threatening verbal abuse of a police officer is not in itself criminal behavior, though some courts have disagreed on what constitutes protected speech in this regard.

Can a cop say they are not a cop? ›

Examples Show Cops do Not Have to Identify Themselves in California. Both examples make one thing clear: cops can lie about being cops. It does not matter if they are in uniform or plain clothes. They do not have to identify themselves, even if you ask them to do so.

What are the police code words? ›

Ten Codes for Police
  • 10-0 - Use caution.
  • 10-4 - Okay, affirmative.
  • 10-13 - Advise weather and road conditions.
  • 10-14 - Prowler report; Convoy or escort detail.
  • 10-15 - Civil disturbance; Prisoner in custody.
  • 10-22 - Cancel last message; Investigate a break-in.
Jun 25, 2020

How do police say goodbye? ›

Across the country, it is common to hear officers say “be safe” or “stay safe” to one another. Sadly, sometimes these phrases are used as just another way of saying “farewell” or “goodbye” when parting ways.

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